Balked

A subtle caress of care
brushed against her cheek
and stirred a calming madness,
with the fire he instilled
and whence the distance faded
what should have shone was jaded
and Lo! was killed.

.......................................

Today I asked myself the dreaded question.

The answer came out, " I  do".

That Second....

......the time stopped. Everything around him ceased to exist. He found himself thrown off the space-time continuum, floating away into the unknown. All the banter and cacophony around him that he was striving so hard to run away from became the vacuum of reverberating silence, a silence so deafening, he found it impossible to shun it.

He went white, the blood suddenly dried up in his veins and he could feel the drops of perspiration trickle down the contours of his forehead. His hands were trembling and numbness was slowly taking over his body. He felt he was choking. The few words that did manage to make their way through seemed like scattered pieces of an unconceivable jigsaw.

A minute later, he collapsed.

The Transition

It was not a long time ago, and it was not even a galaxy far far away, but he just loved moving onto the dark side!

Journeyman

I traversed lonesome grassy lands,

and the forests in between,

and clambered atop mountains tall,

past the gushing streams.

In all seasons at all times

all barriers have i wended,

into abyssmal hideous creeks,

for answers have i fended.

Tip-toeing past the virgin dew,

under the morning calm,

where nature bestowed pleasant thrills

and unpleasant charms.

Replete has been the journey,

with totality i surmise,

yet i crave an enchanted moon,

or a reassuring sunrise.

Random

And then he tried a lot harder to stop thinking. Finding ways to keep his mind occupied. He picked up the broken old lamp hoping he could put some more life into it. He thought of how the day had begun,looking at the small school kids doing their morning assembly, just like he used to, years ago. It reminded him of how old school had been fun, so much to do and yet so little to little to worry about.It was a time when he couldn't mark the difference between when morning ended and afternoon started, when the jubilant day gave way to the all encompassing night. Time flowed from its one form to another in one smooth curve.

Soon he was looking out of his window, a landscape full of trees in their prime, lush green and august, especially the eucalyptus, that made its towering presence felt everytime the wind caressed its leaves, tilting from one side to the other.The orange hue of the street lamp only adding to its magnificence. He looked for subtle features, something..anything that would take his mind off from that one simple question that was plaguing him.

               

                 If he already is all ash, does it matter if he burns anymore?

As Udit would have it 

" Is baar yeh dil bhi zidd par ada hai kisi bachche ki tarah,

  Ya to ise sab kuch chahiye, ya kuch bhi nahi" 

They stood facing each other. Her presence always gave him that sanguine relaxation that nobody else could. Al his troubles,and for that matter, hers, seemed to have locked themselves in the deepest dungeons of their psyche. It always was that ways.

He felt she was the only person he could talk to without any effort.The realization that none of them would judge the other on the basis of what they said was the reason they always felt free and without any strain in each others presence.

"Hows it been going for you?" - she asked.

"Good." - he replied.

That mono-syllabic reply was what she expected, and he didn't let her down. He knew she would merge the word with the tone and come up with a conclusion that would exactly match how he truly felt.She realized after a moment of profound analysis, that this time around, he wasn't lying.

Do I Want What I Want?

We all have desires, wants, things we feel we could die for. We actually would. Its feels great to get what you've set out for. To finally accomplish your goal, be it whatever. 

However, if I sum up from what i've felt and been through, I'd say, it could be a two way situation.

You may just lose the value of things the moment you possess them. The very fact that its now yours wipes off all that you perceived it to be! Initially it amazed me, the very first time i felt like that.At a time when i should have been overjoyed and ecstatic, at a time when i should have been out shouting about with mad joy and overflowing happiness, I couldn't feel a thing.

I remember that day, vivid and clear, I just sat down, doing nothing, thinking .......nothing. What was there to think about? What was there to do about it?

And suddenly i realised, it was not what i had set out for that kept me going,that gave me the high.... it was the very act of setting out for it. I was in love with the longing to get it, it gave me immense pleasure. And like that, it was gone.

But then it will be foolish of me to generalise it, we eventually do want what we want, dont we?

The Day I Don't Remember

I dont remember the day at all,

When the first time i saw u,

meek yet sublime you stood,

courage, i had not to approach you,

i didn't know then that i would.

The world was an empty farce,

an abyss beyond my gaze,

all that engrossed me then,

was your radiant,angelic face.

The rust stole that clung you,

ears festooned with silver chimes,

the gaze of mischief that stung me,

and planned a million crimes.

The leaves of the flora murmered,

the breeze, its only aim,

was to carry along, a messenger,

of the melody that was your name.

Twilight then submitted,

devoured by the night,

and left my heart a victim,

of a prodigious pleasureable plight.

And so etched itself in memory,

that fortuitous day of fall,

of far-reaching reverbertions,

a day i don't remember at all.

The black screen was staring at me.  But my mind was somewhere else....lost. And a bad time to be wandering into the unknown. But i couldn't help it. And with a wavering mind i did the dumbest thing in the world. I messed it up. 'Failure' seemed etched on my face. It has not gone well at all with me. Failure never does.

The Broken Rubber-Band

Never let yourself be a rubber-band. One day, someone is going to stretch you, and then stretch you a little more to the point that at some moment,not far from the time you let yourself be one,it'll break. Things then, can get chaotic.

There is nothing worse than a broken rubber-band that doesn't know what its supposed to be.

It So Happens

The journey is more important than the destination they say. Is it, then, true also for the people we meet on the way?

Call me old-fashioned,impractical or plain crazy, but my assessment says, though it should be, its never the case.

Its saddening to see people move away from each other simply because they've reached where they were supposed to and don't need each other anymore!

Guess thats how it is.

Late-night Heartbreaks

Even though he had decided what he was to do, he found himself on the horns of a dilemma. Should he or should he not. It was way past midnight and there were another three hours before the taxi was to depart.

The airport looked deserted barring the handful late shifters puffing smoke into the dark oblivion of the night. The chilly purposeless breeze lifted the plastic packet from the pavement's edge and was toying with it before the rusted iron grill stamped its authority and snatched it mid-air to hold it in its clutches. The rumble of the airplane taking off was puny compared to the clattering in his head at that moment.He had to act fast, and that meant he had to stop thinking. Things were easier after that and he signaled for a cab.

The neurological workstation went into overdrive again. He envisaged a thousand different outcomes from every word he might say. The anticipation of what might happen half an hour away was killing him. Equally torturing was the thought of what might not. He got off the cab and made his way past the flickering lamp-post. The unrelenting rain a few hours ago and rendered scarred the already muddy path and he had to carefully make his way past the puddles of mud that clutched to the shoes of anyone who passed by like dying lepers begging for alms.

He had reached now and only the doorbell lay between him and who he had set out to see. He could feel an awkward lump in his throat and after taking a couple of minutes to regain his composure, he pressed the little red button.

A minute later he realized, she was not there.