Bad Day

What is a bad day?

Is it one when you hear a tragic story?
Is it when you bite the dust when set out for glory?
Is it when you want something to happen and it does not?
Is it when you dont want something to happen and it does?
Is it when you feel frustrated because you have nothing to do?
Is it when you are frustrated when you have a lot to do?
Is it when you're pestered for answers when you have none?

Invariably, one of the above mentioned reasons always prevails in a day.At least thats what I have observed around. Nobody seems happy, nobody is content with the way their life is.There is always going to be one thing that will elude you,the yearning for which will make you feel your life is devoid of even a moments peace, only till the time you get it, for then something else will fill the void of being that elusive thing.True as it is, the happiest person is the one you don't know about.

Richard S. Fuld, Jr, CEO of Lehman Brothers worked for the company for 39 years, no other company in his life, and he had to watch it dissolve into oblivion. And you think you had a bad day...

Just a thought....

If you have already decided that you are not going to do a particular thing viz. someone, and then you think about not doing it and feel bad, yet never do it, would you term it as self-respect or ego?

Balked

A subtle caress of care
brushed against her cheek
and stirred a calming madness,
with the fire he instilled
and whence the distance faded
what should have shone was jaded
and Lo! was killed.

.......................................

Today I asked myself the dreaded question.

The answer came out, " I  do".

That Second....

......the time stopped. Everything around him ceased to exist. He found himself thrown off the space-time continuum, floating away into the unknown. All the banter and cacophony around him that he was striving so hard to run away from became the vacuum of reverberating silence, a silence so deafening, he found it impossible to shun it.

He went white, the blood suddenly dried up in his veins and he could feel the drops of perspiration trickle down the contours of his forehead. His hands were trembling and numbness was slowly taking over his body. He felt he was choking. The few words that did manage to make their way through seemed like scattered pieces of an unconceivable jigsaw.

A minute later, he collapsed.

The Transition

It was not a long time ago, and it was not even a galaxy far far away, but he just loved moving onto the dark side!

Journeyman

I traversed lonesome grassy lands,

and the forests in between,

and clambered atop mountains tall,

past the gushing streams.

In all seasons at all times

all barriers have i wended,

into abyssmal hideous creeks,

for answers have i fended.

Tip-toeing past the virgin dew,

under the morning calm,

where nature bestowed pleasant thrills

and unpleasant charms.

Replete has been the journey,

with totality i surmise,

yet i crave an enchanted moon,

or a reassuring sunrise.

Random

And then he tried a lot harder to stop thinking. Finding ways to keep his mind occupied. He picked up the broken old lamp hoping he could put some more life into it. He thought of how the day had begun,looking at the small school kids doing their morning assembly, just like he used to, years ago. It reminded him of how old school had been fun, so much to do and yet so little to little to worry about.It was a time when he couldn't mark the difference between when morning ended and afternoon started, when the jubilant day gave way to the all encompassing night. Time flowed from its one form to another in one smooth curve.

Soon he was looking out of his window, a landscape full of trees in their prime, lush green and august, especially the eucalyptus, that made its towering presence felt everytime the wind caressed its leaves, tilting from one side to the other.The orange hue of the street lamp only adding to its magnificence. He looked for subtle features, something..anything that would take his mind off from that one simple question that was plaguing him.

               

                 If he already is all ash, does it matter if he burns anymore?

As Udit would have it 

" Is baar yeh dil bhi zidd par ada hai kisi bachche ki tarah,

  Ya to ise sab kuch chahiye, ya kuch bhi nahi" 

They stood facing each other. Her presence always gave him that sanguine relaxation that nobody else could. Al his troubles,and for that matter, hers, seemed to have locked themselves in the deepest dungeons of their psyche. It always was that ways.

He felt she was the only person he could talk to without any effort.The realization that none of them would judge the other on the basis of what they said was the reason they always felt free and without any strain in each others presence.

"Hows it been going for you?" - she asked.

"Good." - he replied.

That mono-syllabic reply was what she expected, and he didn't let her down. He knew she would merge the word with the tone and come up with a conclusion that would exactly match how he truly felt.She realized after a moment of profound analysis, that this time around, he wasn't lying.

Do I Want What I Want?

We all have desires, wants, things we feel we could die for. We actually would. Its feels great to get what you've set out for. To finally accomplish your goal, be it whatever. 

However, if I sum up from what i've felt and been through, I'd say, it could be a two way situation.

You may just lose the value of things the moment you possess them. The very fact that its now yours wipes off all that you perceived it to be! Initially it amazed me, the very first time i felt like that.At a time when i should have been overjoyed and ecstatic, at a time when i should have been out shouting about with mad joy and overflowing happiness, I couldn't feel a thing.

I remember that day, vivid and clear, I just sat down, doing nothing, thinking .......nothing. What was there to think about? What was there to do about it?

And suddenly i realised, it was not what i had set out for that kept me going,that gave me the high.... it was the very act of setting out for it. I was in love with the longing to get it, it gave me immense pleasure. And like that, it was gone.

But then it will be foolish of me to generalise it, we eventually do want what we want, dont we?

The Day I Don't Remember

I dont remember the day at all,

When the first time i saw u,

meek yet sublime you stood,

courage, i had not to approach you,

i didn't know then that i would.

The world was an empty farce,

an abyss beyond my gaze,

all that engrossed me then,

was your radiant,angelic face.

The rust stole that clung you,

ears festooned with silver chimes,

the gaze of mischief that stung me,

and planned a million crimes.

The leaves of the flora murmered,

the breeze, its only aim,

was to carry along, a messenger,

of the melody that was your name.

Twilight then submitted,

devoured by the night,

and left my heart a victim,

of a prodigious pleasureable plight.

And so etched itself in memory,

that fortuitous day of fall,

of far-reaching reverbertions,

a day i don't remember at all.

The black screen was staring at me.  But my mind was somewhere else....lost. And a bad time to be wandering into the unknown. But i couldn't help it. And with a wavering mind i did the dumbest thing in the world. I messed it up. 'Failure' seemed etched on my face. It has not gone well at all with me. Failure never does.

The Broken Rubber-Band

Never let yourself be a rubber-band. One day, someone is going to stretch you, and then stretch you a little more to the point that at some moment,not far from the time you let yourself be one,it'll break. Things then, can get chaotic.

There is nothing worse than a broken rubber-band that doesn't know what its supposed to be.

It So Happens

The journey is more important than the destination they say. Is it, then, true also for the people we meet on the way?

Call me old-fashioned,impractical or plain crazy, but my assessment says, though it should be, its never the case.

Its saddening to see people move away from each other simply because they've reached where they were supposed to and don't need each other anymore!

Guess thats how it is.

Late-night Heartbreaks

Even though he had decided what he was to do, he found himself on the horns of a dilemma. Should he or should he not. It was way past midnight and there were another three hours before the taxi was to depart.

The airport looked deserted barring the handful late shifters puffing smoke into the dark oblivion of the night. The chilly purposeless breeze lifted the plastic packet from the pavement's edge and was toying with it before the rusted iron grill stamped its authority and snatched it mid-air to hold it in its clutches. The rumble of the airplane taking off was puny compared to the clattering in his head at that moment.He had to act fast, and that meant he had to stop thinking. Things were easier after that and he signaled for a cab.

The neurological workstation went into overdrive again. He envisaged a thousand different outcomes from every word he might say. The anticipation of what might happen half an hour away was killing him. Equally torturing was the thought of what might not. He got off the cab and made his way past the flickering lamp-post. The unrelenting rain a few hours ago and rendered scarred the already muddy path and he had to carefully make his way past the puddles of mud that clutched to the shoes of anyone who passed by like dying lepers begging for alms.

He had reached now and only the doorbell lay between him and who he had set out to see. He could feel an awkward lump in his throat and after taking a couple of minutes to regain his composure, he pressed the little red button.

A minute later he realized, she was not there.

Sparrows

Two sparrow's sat on a wire,

and talked for winter approached fast,

they talked of places to migrate,

they talked of taking varied paths.

'The one along the river is silent death,

 uncertainity and danger there play,

I took it, why, i can't comprehend,

i never again shall go that way.

At every stop i was unsure, 

what awaited me where,what awaited me when,

 i reached where i was supposed to reach, 

but had i not what then?

'I took,too,course dat you describe,

and second what you hav to say,

turbulant, tumultous it sure was,

an unknow abysmal way.

But i prefer to take it still,

and so i will at once start,

the grandeur of where it leads me to,

belittles the perils of the path.'

And flew away they into the sun,

and flew away they wid their kind,

the second one shall have its say,

amongst the two sparrows of my mind.

The question is, do you really know what you want in life?

I presume, hardly anyone knows the answer, or is it the fact that we dont realise that the answer is in front of us , just that we dont know it. The luckiest of the lot may seem like the ones who know that, but a closer look reveals that its not the case. Knowing what you want is not the end of story, the toughest part is getting it. Failure to do so plays havoc and can be a total mind-alterer. It so happens that one sets out to achieve his/her goals but gets lost on the way.

Why does that happen?

Its because,primarily, people give up. A small jitter is perceived as a catastrophe and psyche gives way. Failure sets in and when ego clashes with failure, its the end of the deal. Its at this point you need to choose, whether to take it as a final blow or take it in the stride and go on.

The choice is yours. Make a decision now!

Let me just put it this way, am just not feeling that good.Dont know what to write, dont know what to say, dont know what to do. But then thats just me, isnt it.

An there she lay beneath the stars,
like a sculpture moulded of a drop of dew,
with the quiet breeze that explored her hair,
swept away were the fortuitous few

at the sight of beauty in true display,
gave way pride of nature at this simple sight,
calm yet bold with her smile her weapon,
a splendid view! Oh, what a night!

Slowly then she raised her hands,
two ribbons dancing in a flow,
and then her flowing golden strands,
in the moonlight glitter and glow.

With a blush that melted many a few,
and feelings in each heart....ignite,
bless me God, bless me still,
bless me with such splendid nights.

Shadows

Weightless meanderings of a burdened body,
playful,mischievious, onlookers delight,
surprisingly near yet seldom in grasp,
a moments's mistake and they are out of sight.

Never has there been more selfish a friend,
appearing for share at behest of a spark,
long and treacherous when times descend,
left are you lurking for self in the dark.

For moments they do, you're awestruck to core,
at splendour and genius of nature's design,
they rise and fall like waves in an ocean,
they rise and fall leaving smiles benign.

Stuck

Minutes trickle away,
hours slip by,
the heart just refuses to let go of you,
building a cocoon around my feelings,
no matter how much I strive,
no matter how hard I try.

I share it with no one,
no one but me,
wanting to steer clear,
fighting to be free.

Its your face that haunts me,
when the mirror do I glance,
and my hands extend to catch you,
from the world I try to snatch you,
only to fall to knees of fate that offers no second chance.

Forsaken

The wind rises out of the night as he sits alone holding the world in the corner of his eye. He is not bothered by the orphan grain of sand or the wild drop of rain that cheats its compatriots to have a way of its own. He slowly raises his gaze at the stars he can still make out between the torn sheets of clouds with his mind looking for answers he was never given yet so many questions were asked of him.

He still is polite when he could have been abusive,
he still is approachable when he could have been elusive.

For him, life has been a wave, near yet never in grasp.Why does life have to take away all the gems of happiness away from him and then ask, as if mocking whether he likes emerald or sapphire!
He cares no more however or atleast pretends to. He has learnt to live with an insane world, a world of deceit and betrayed lyalties that extend a hand, not for him to hold on to, but a means for them to cling on to him.

The Photographer

He captures as he sees it,
a click and the world is in his palms,,
a glimpse of happiness, a touch of grief,
roaring storms and pacifying calms.

He's just an observer,
starking true to his job,
he grasps the world he lives in,
doorman of truth holding door's knobs.

Holding mystery of oceans,
the vastness of sky,
he prowls for concealed emotions,
not once he asks why.

Lives on prints of paper,
eyes singing soul's songs,
he cannot stop to share glee
or gloom, for he must go clicking along.

How much do you know yourself till you do not go all out for what you truly care for?

Boulevard

This was written long long time ago . Found it scribbled somehwere and here it is.


Path that was once alive
is now dead since she left.
The trees, the pebbles, the once blooming flowers
bereft of a purpose, they moan in the dark.

Her smell once subdued the flowery fragrance,
her laughter once echoed through the trees
it was a time when been contemplated
seeking nectar from flowers or her lips.

That meandering path became Universe’s centre,
that meandering path.. happiness’ abode
a touch of beauty and sweet surrender,
a musical touch to life’s ode.

Solitary is now the environ,
lifeless is the fauna and flora,
the evening breeze has lost its companion
the boulevard…. its charm, its aura.

The Solitary Flower

All I wish of you oh solitary flower.
is but a smile....that lasts an hour,
for I'll be off on my path then, away,
a traveler i am, i can't stay.

That hour though, I am a mesmerised worshipper,
of splendid patterns that under the sun glitter.
I know not what awaits me hence,
why must I worry, I got you whence.

And alone when you have blossomed aplomb,
why fear I?? ....the feeling I shall carry along,
and make me when obstacles shun and stop,
I'll remember you, make them wither and drop.

O flower of the wild... your beauty's divine,
never can you die, will live till the end of time.

All in College's Day

Tears of time scattered around,
tears of joy in the glorious path,
tears of sadness that conceal within,
tears for a life that'll be a past.

A lifelong friendship that nurtures secure,
resentments that cast friends adrift,
lets scamper for binding chains
that bridge the gaps and erase the rifts.

And then one day love prospers,
and as it scurries along,
touches, mocks, confuses, pleases,
making self weak yet strong.

In nooks and corners that withhold
a myriad of laughters, i heave a sigh,
to every grain of sand that rests,
my restless heart bades goodbye.

Brand New Day

The day had been a long routine,
a touch of joy dressed pristine,
the evening offered a maiden blush,
encompassing self with rhapsodic touch,
stolen away by sordid night,
unleashing mayhem, harnering fright.
It cornered the psyche to submit to decay,
when may had promised that it may.
Alas the evil could conceal no more,
the devil danced making pain his whore.
And tumult then was all one could see,
futile prayers of hope to thee.
Minutes trickled like aeons of time,
that made fate accept,wishes resign.
Engulfed the dark of sleep, then a bliss,
tormenting moments of pain that were missed,
for morning dispelled the night as a dream,
a new day dawned, a new routine

“How are you”, she asked
“I am fine”, I replied

Its Been three months now since I broke my shoulder one fine day cruising along feeling like God, when my view about life and death was remodeled to be as it stands today. I still don’t understand why I prayed for the doctor to tell me I have a fracture, to be honest I wanted to know how a fracture feels like. Insane I know.
It was just the beginning of the final semester, and I could see all my plans for the remaining months in college being swept away.
Its was hard, to be true, being dependant on others for your needs. Time went on, the broken shoulder carried me to Rishikesh where that camp has made its way to a permanent spot on the blueprint of my memory, to Haridwar, a visit which shattered my faith in the so called upholders of Hinduism. Another awakening was the meaning of ‘Nirvana’ for the millions of ‘babas’ that adorn the landscape of these Holy lands.
Life back in college was like a rejuvenation. To be honest, the last semester has given me the best time in my 4 years of college. Each day is like a footstep for something new and exciting. And I look back and I see, Me, two years ago, leading a completely different lifestyle. The variables have once again re-established their property, for they now have new values under same titles. Also, things have stopped mattering, its OK either ways and that is something I find good. And then one day she again asked,

“ How are you?”
“I am fine.” I replied

Unshakeable

And then they gave him pain,
to see how it makes him feel,
if he submits to submission,
if it curtails his zeal

To live a life less ordinary,
they tried to make him die
they tried to get his conscious
to yield a begging cry.

And trampling upon his feelings,
they prayed for a loser’s shriek,
they prayed for wreck of strength’s ship
at the entrance of grievance creek

Yet he stode forward unrelenting,
he never uttered a sigh
What are you to cause my wreckage?
What are you to make me cry?

And emerging free from worries,
He never let out a wail
he faced them eye to eye
all but none could hail.

And then the world submitted
to glory thus divine
of one man free from error
of one man free of time!

Not My Type

This goes out to my friend Mr. A who happened to be the inspiration for this one. Sorry bro….;)


And I see her everyday,
in my knees I go weak,
A thousand words I practice,
not one can I speak.

She passes me each morning,
sliding hands in her curls,
Smitten I stand eyes wide open,
world spinning around in twirls.

To go and exchange a greeting,
Oh! She’s standing so near,
to go and exchange a greeting,
drowned I am in fear

of what? I can’t comprehend,
maybe I’m too shy.
This world won’t crumble to pieces,
for a meek, sincere ‘Hi’!

And like this another day passes,
and again I see her face,
Stuck like glue at the startline,
I’m too many laps down in the race.

And now its been three years,
Status-quo has killed the hype,
I tell myself to move on,
Oh well! She’s not my type.

Whom do i share with,
my bundle of feelings,
trampled each moment they are.

No sun on horizon,
no calm in the moonlight,
smiles receding far.

My self is broken,
absorbing your pains,
reminding you who we are.

Lost in the journey,
the times that we shared,
now we are miles apart.

Floating far in the ocean,
the corpse of efforts in vain,
floating far in the ocean,
no dolor can match this pain.

T-Time Lexicon

Continuing the attempt of his to immortalize the elements of some individuals, who played a part in making the journey worth remembering and offering gratitude for being an integral part of the story, here is the PG-13 format of the same literary piece with examples.
Note: Some explicit material has been edited. Still, viewer discretion is recommended.
Also, if you have no idea what this is and are alien to its content, dont bother, its not for you anyways.
A tribute to 4 glorious years!
                                              T-Time Lexicon

1.assignment n. an act of charity, often repeated sedulously
Usage:
a)His generous assignments are well known, no one has ever returned empty handed from his door.

2. bagai n. 1 artificial intelligence. 2 an unending quest for a goal. ---adj. seemingly good but proving otherwise.
Usage:
a).Dont worry about robots, what are they but a bagai.
b).I thought his creations were appealing, seems I was bagaied!

3. chinka v. admonishing one and all. ---adj. a perfect out-swinging delivery.
Usage:
a)The appeal for repeal of the Act was ‘chinka’ed.
b) Thought he had firm control of the situation, alas, he was done in by a chinka.

4. dogra n. good stuff in a small package. ---adj. morally corruptible over a period of time.
Usage:
a). Anne never wished anything grand from Santa, for her, just a dogra would do.
b). “Don’t hire Archie sir, from what I know of him, he has a dogra personality”

5. feedback adj. trivial, of little or no consequence.
Usage:
a).It was believed his fetish for sweets was the cause of diabetes, this notion turned out to be a feedback in the end.

6. gudral n. 1 a badly played act (often overplayed). 2 a peculiar method of operation. 3 instigator of insurgency.
Usage:
a). Rosy is a good actor, however all he can manage on stage is a gudral.
b). Don’t trust him, he may seem a dogra but I can sense gudral in his mannerisms.
c). The riots are widely believed to have been gudralled by Joseph.

7. hostel n. refuge camp
Usage:
a) After all that ridicule, what could he do but retreat to the hostel

8. insults n. a prerequisite for college life.
Usage:
a) He though he had it all to be a college star, Lo!, with no insults in his armoury, he was the butt of every joke.

9. jk n. a grammatically incorrect statement. ---adj. begrudging.
Usage:
a). The jk was never expected from the esteemed English professor. It shows anyone can make a mistake.

10. kalia n. a well organized carousal. ---adj. a life of extreme indulgences
Usage:
a)Not a penny in his pocket, yet he advocates a ‘kalia’n life, pity him.
b) The ‘LBA’ marveled at the ‘kalia’ at the ‘hostel’.

11. klol n. an everlasting state of euphoria. ---v. disaster management when in dire straits.
Usage:
a) Life is not always a klol my boy, there will be ‘bagai’s’ strewn around at every juncture.

12. lba n. ideological group, nearing extinction
Usage:
With lessening number of lba’s each day, wonder where this world is headed!

13. manrai n. 1 idle gossip. ---v. 1 to over-analyze. 2 acting paranoid. ---adj. having split personalities.
Usage:
a) Don’t manrai the issue beyond necessity, lest you should stress yourself.
b) His behavioural swings are beyond my understanding. I think he has a manrai disorder.

14. minku n. expert con artist. ---adj. small and annoying.
Usage:
a) Its not the dacoits I fear most, but the minku’s around me.
b) His ‘chinka’ manners leave me with no option but to label him a ‘minka’.

15. mittal n. 1 one who readily takes up a challenge, which is usually risqué. 2 a unique perspective. 3 art of scraping through.
Usage:
a) It was the old convict that turned out to be expert at ‘mittal’ and escaped.
b) There is no point being a mittal here, the cause is too weak.

16. placement n. an excuse for a thrashing.
Usage:
a) He thought he was being taken to the bachelor party. Little did he know, it was but a placement.

17. sethi n. a killer smile. ---adj. 1 gullible. 2 prone to ridiculous decisions.
Usage:
a)He thought he would not fall for the lady, but he could not resist the sethi.
b)There is no point discussing the situation with him,he’s a sethi after all.

18. shitty n. hegemony in a virtual world. ---adj. 1 tranquil, stoic. 2 rancid.
Usage:
a) He’s an unknown shitty. It wont be long before Microsoft picks him up.
b) Whats that shitty smell, is it you ‘Shitty’?…;)
c) He may seem shitty at first, deep within, he’s a hardcore ‘minka’.

19. sohi n. unit of time. ---v. 1 procrastinate. 2 prodding unsuspected victims.
Usage:
a)Many Sohis ago, due to unawareness, many an  ‘on-paper’ kalias turned out to be gudrals.
b) First he committed a tita, then he was sohied , he’s done for.

20. tita n. 1 a gratuitous confession. 2 whimsical. 3 head-strong. 4 to hold an important office but usually titular. ---v. 1 to take up 16:1 odds.
Usage:
a) With a priest, its understood, but I don’t approve of a tita with everyone you know.
b) Sometimes he’s calm ,at other times he’s a maniac, to me he seems a tita.
c) In the aftermath of chaos perpetuated by a gudral, all that was left of the Captain was a tita.

21. zidane adj. untimely attempt at humor.
Usage:
a) His zidance excesses coupled with his jk phrases show him to have a mental equivalent of a three year old chipmunk.

The Hunter and the Rabbit

A hunter, pale and glum with hunger,
wandered about a mountain steep.
Marred, mauled, a beggar of mercy
alone he did within himself weep.

A rabbit caught the hunters’ gaze,
hopping about the quiet field,
It grazed him, death, in purest form,
latent behind a human veil.

Perplexed the hunter checked his aim.
Intrigued by its unnatural instinct.
followed the mute creature as it disappeared
behind a pile of weathered flints.

As he approached he saw,
a blanket of leaves , a pillow of hay
shivering, naked, with half open eyes,
two most exquisite new-borns lay.

The arrows confided with their quiver,
the arms of hunger laid their arms,
awe-struck, astounded with magnificence,
at lucid display of nature’s charms.

Agog the hunter scampered for thoughts,
how reality amongst utopia flies,
He kills the babies, with himself he can’t live
he walks away he slowly dies.

If you were the hunter, what would you do?

Think About It

Ranting a bit on human nature, I picked up certain subtle nuances that go a long way in defining our psyche. I mean look around, you’ll seldom find anyone who is content with what he/she has in hand. We keep striving for a little more, a little bit extra hoping that it will make us happier. Personally I feel there is nothing wrong with it, these small traits make us human after all. ‘Contentment’ is a word that can lead to serious hereditary disorders.
One more trait that I’d like to mention here is “the grass is greener on other side syndrome”, in other words, “what I have presently is crap syndrome”. I realized this today while listening to radio. Just kept flipping between channels thinking something better must be on somewhere else. Seinfeld accurately sums it up. Men are not interested in what is on TV, they are interested in what ELSE is on TV.
If we backtrack a little, we’ll realize, its all to do with the innumerable options we make ourselves available. Think if you have only one thing, how high you’ll value it. You’ll never get bored because you know you cant get anything else.
This however defeats the purpose of life. Monotonicity is a the EIGHTH sin that Jesus’ stenographer accidently missed out upon. So I say, go on ,whine, crib, curse , stand on top of everest and shout out at the top of your voice that life hasn’t been fair. That’s the only way you’ll come anywhere near contentment. A satisfying life is a life wasted.Will such a life be worthwhile? Absolutely not!

Hope

Hope is but a trojan horse,
unsuspecting we let it in
in strife, in pain,in times we are down,
it betrays and wrecks from within.

Illusions it casts on the naive mind
with promise of balm,a guiding ray
i stretch my hands to clasp and Lo!
unwavering it floats away.

When despair and sorrow,disappointment and loss
trample upon my gullible heart
it hides in deepest trenches,lost
i'm the prey on whom the demons dart

Reflections of a Broken Heart

A poignant depression sinks my heart,
Your incog indifference punctures my soul
I long forever to go back to the start
I’m rendered a plaything, my heart’s a gaping hole

All that I thought was paradise
Was truly a burning hell
Every moment I die as I am living
There is no difference I can tell

Anguish and pain I have concealed
With laughter that has been fabricated
Tribulation dwelling in myriad smiles
Fluttering atop grief aggregated

I was so naïve , I thought you cared
Leave me now and enjoy your days
Diffident you have been and diffident you will be
Its time we went our separate ways

I will not ever trust again
My feelings I will not ever share
I think though I might love again
I certainly will never care.

If you have really lived your life thinking one thing, it would be pretty devastating to find it wasn't true.

What If I Were to Die Today

What if today is the last day of my life???????????


Will i be sad, Will i be glad?
Will i re-live the times that i've had?
Will sky at sunset seem more bright
and i see day as envelopes me the night.
Will i feel bounded, Will i feel free?
Will i be someone else, Will i be me?
To fulfill desires will i still wait?
Will i choose love over the people i hate?
Will words of wisdom flow from my mouth?
Will i for mercy top of my voice shout?
Will i be panicky, Will i be calm?
Will there be hands of beloved, comforting and warm?
Will there be demons sucking away my breath?
Will there be angels and pacific silhouettes?
Will there be repentance, Will there be joy?
Will true emotions emerge or still be coy?
Will will still be  will or will will be wont?
Will do's be done or will they be don't?
I live my life as if i can die any day
regret if there is, it doesn't happen that way.

Success

Aroma of success is an addictive feeling
to see the world subdued and kneeling.

Encouraging the psyche it gives a high
left unrefreshed, it shrivels up and dies.

"Its a lonely feeling at the top"
are excuses of losers...stop.

To see the smiles that are wide wider
it takes effort unrestituted, ask the spider.

Let no one stop you, no hail, no rain
meet them in the eye and win again!

Wonderland Airways

Wonderland Airways take me away
to a place where there are no tears
Infinitely blissful paradise
with no reasons for me to sear

Where crimson coloured tulips
giggle under the blue sky
To a place I love the most
Greenest is grass and joyous doves fly

Wonderland Airways take me away
light years from this madding crowd
A place for none other just for me
where I’m not followed by dark clouds

Adorned by pious mountain streams
With glee and happiness abound
And angels dwell beside every brook
Just what I want surrounds!

Wonderland Airways take me away…..


Go ahead, ask yourself, isn’t it true that
we all have a square in our life that we
don’t seem to cross because we don’t
know which of the ways we should take.
Its like that little scratch on the top of
your mouth which would heal if only you
would stop licking with your tongue but
you cant, or so as Tyler says. We need
an escape when we reach such a junction.
We need a Wonderland Airway to take
us where our mind is unpolluted with the
indecisiveness and cluelessness. Someplace
where we can be just us with nothing to
torment us, no unsolved puzzle to plague
the neurons. Whats your wonderland?

Yourself Naturaly

What is the sea if it were shallow?
what is the mountain if it were small?
what is the rainbow without colours?
what if the grass if it were tall?

What is a vision if it ends tomorrow?
what is a fighter if scared of a fight?
what is a friend not there when needed?
or an argument not asserted when right?

What is a star that cannot sparkle?
or a straphanger who loses his way?
what is an arrow that misses its target?
what is a feeling if not conveyed?

What is distance if at arms length?
what is hope if not instilled?
what is a tear that refuses to trickle?
what is a wish if not fulfilled?

What is a rose if it has no fragrance?
what are people if there is no country?
what is a blush without a maiden?
what am I if I'm not me?


Everything in this world has an identity,
an attribute which when taken away leaves
its parent worthless. Something similar is
with us humans. Each of us has a unique
persona, be it  a godly or satanic. So many
times we find ourselves manipulating our
true self to appease those around or merely
to prove a poing. I say stop changing. You
are not and cannot be somebody else, its
unnatural. The sooner one understands it,
the better.

Sssshhhh..........

Sssshhhh. Let her sleep
its cold and dark outside
she's on a journey of a million dreams
behind those closed eyes, let her hide.

Sssshhhh. She's a baby
let me watch her sleep
its been a long fall from heavens
cuddled up, let me her guard keep.

Sssshhhh. A stolen beauty
a rose amongst a million thorns
a serenade, she's the sweetest symphony
a painted yellow field of corns.

Sssshhhh. Let me drink away
every pint of grief, every drop of sorrow
let me stroke my hand in her flowing hair
she'll wake up to a better tomorrow

Eyes Wide Open

There are two categories of people in this world. Those who keep sleeping all the times,and for whom Jesus took a minute off to mention it in the Ten Commandments under the tagline Sloths. Then there is the variety who’ll keep staring blankly into the darkness all night long, commonly called Insomniacs. I’m the third kind. You see, I CAN sleep for long hours and they can be really long trust me, so much so that during childhood, I was christened a certain sleep loving character of the Ramayana. And I can stay awake late too. But the climax comes into the picture when I’m unable to do the first thing at a time when I do not want to do the second thing. Believe me, its not just the text that’s complicated.
As my friend Cornelius/Rupert/Tyler said, when you have insomnia, you’re never really awake and you’re never really asleep. Everything seems like a copy of a copy of a copy. It holds in my case too. Issuing in public interest, I would say, you should understand that u have a similar problem when you cannot tell the difference between 2AM and 3AM and you simply don’t care. You gaze with day-dreamy eyes at each and every contour of your room walls just to find an aberration, u look blatantly into the outside gardens just to spot a pregnant cat with a fur covered paw looking for the ‘caught off guard’ mouse, peeve with expectant eyes for that neighbourhood hottie to come outside and check if the cloud at 16th parallel has moved ¾ of the way across the moon or not( whatever that meant!). Believe me its serious. Firstly, you get your parents storming into your room in case you have lights on, though they even come when lights are off just to ask why lights are not on because they are also used to your metabolism. Secondly, your head gets mashed up with all the worlds thoughts that just masticate themselves to form a sour dough. Third and most serious of all, you feel like starting a blog.
In my case, I’ve had people all over telling me remedies to this particular condition of mine. Some have advocated doctors( get the pun here, ADVOCATING a DOCTOR), some have suggested Baba Ramdev exercises( yeah right!). To be honest, even I have given a thought if something should be done about it, and have withdrawn my case before the first hearing pleading guilty. You know why, well, there is so much to think over. And whatever is going to come out of all this thinking is going to be, as Barnie would say, LEGEN….wait for it….DARY. Say it isn’t so.
Well, till I fall asleep, hasta la vista baby and suit up!

Stars to Moon

Why do you leave us alone?
not long ago, brightest you ever shone.
Unconditional love we have for you,
purer than an untouched pearl, selfless, so true.
You comfort us in the silence of the dark,
orphaned we are without you, naked , so stark.
tortured through the day for the night in your yearning,
calm and cold outside, inside we are burning.
Since time was timeless, there were no minutes, no hours,
To you are we important, or mere useless stars?

Sometimes, i feel the moon just plays around with the stars.
It pretends to be always there alongside and then, like that,
its goes into hiding betraying all that they have conjured up.
Isnt it unfair? All along the month, it hangs up there with em
giving them promises all when it knows it has to retreat to an
unseen abyss! And then everything starts all over again. It'll
grow each day, bit by bit, exhibiting its full glory and then
start taking steps back to disappear once again. Hope is the
worst thing anyone can give anyone.

PS....TO THE ANONYMOUS COMMENT WRITER: Thanks a
lot for the birthday wishes and wish you a very very happy and
prosperous New Year. Would like to know who you realy are though.